The plan is AMSTERDAM. I am prepared to meet many an Indonesian small restaurant owner, and do other things. But.... this just happened today. I'm a little scared.
Thanks to a generous Stanford and BOSP Stanford in Germany Alum by the name of George Will, our program had a funded trip to Budapest, Hungary, during which we met with a pretty amazing professor, economist, and diplomat. I learned a lot about Hungary's history and it's place (or lack thereof?) in the European Union. I learned about why it still doesn't use the Euro (or isn't allowed to..) and popular mindsets of the Hungarian people, specifically the lack of confidence in government, the inability to grasp a stable political system, and the lasting effects of socialist and fascist rule on the people. It was a WHOLE LOT to absorb, but also pretty damn fascinating (during the parts I managed to stay awake during. We had to get up at 7AM every day, culminating with a 5AM breakfast the morning of our 7:30AM flight. Fun, I know). I took a dip in the Turkish baths, managed to sight see quite a bit, and went into this neat little place called the "Old Man's Pub" and tasted some interesting Hungarian beverages. Overall, a great trip; but at the end, I really just wanted to be back in Berlin: where the transportation is easy, the food is cheap, and the possibilities are endless.
We got back to Berlin early Saturday morning. After a tiny bit of work, and a WHOLE LOT of nap, I went out with Ellen to a place our handy dandy KKLQGTB (Kalani Kai Leifer's Quick Guide to Berlin) recommended by Schlesischer(s?) Tor. But the most fascinating part was Die Lange Nacht der Opern und Theatre: A 6 hour festival in which every Opera and Theatre and everything in between was open in the city, and every venue had it's own schedule for the evening with thirty minute intervals. We rushed from Opera to Theatre to Cabarett just to see a variety of different theatres and shows. It was absolutely ridiculous, how much culture I could just soak up and absorb in one night, merely by walking around and hopping on and off trains. That was a FANTASTIC evening.
Today I woke up for a morning Sunday brunch buffet. So damn tasty. Afterwards my friend Jiahui and I ran into a "International Children's Festival" where I managed to get a couple free things and admire lots of children running around, being happy, riding ponies, choo-choo trains, jumping in bounce houses, and other mindless fun. God those were the days. Now all I think about is how to become less and less ignorant.
Things are great. I love Berlin. I had a great conversation with my host brother tonight about his girlfriend and things are coming together. Hopefully I will meet my language partner for the first time tomorrow (I know, it's week 5 and I haven't met with one yet...).
So funny story:
I stored Ellen Cerf's Sprachpartner's number as my Sprachparterin's number. I was in contact with my Sprachpartner via email, but whenever I texted her I got a response as if she wasn't too keen on hanging out with me. I was confused by mixed responses. When I finally called the number, a very deep male voice picked up... and I had realized what I had done. For the past 4 days I had been texting the wrong person, asking someone who wasn't too excited to hang out with me... to, well, hang out with me. What an epic fail. But I'm finally meeting with her tomorrow, I hope, and things should work out!
I'm gonna go to bed so I can go on another run tomorrow morning. Today at breakfast we were discussing the reality of stretching stomachs, increasing hunger tolerance, and ways to prevent the stomach from stretching inelastically to the point where I will be perpetually hungry (and thus, perpetually obese). That would be the worst. And that is why I am frantically scrambling to get back into shape! Und... das ist alles!
On the eve of my 2nd humongous German test, I have decided to take the higher route, not study for German, and instead write in this internet pensieve of mine.
What a week!
Last Sunday night I got back from my mini bike tour of Southern Germany. 110km total, two small towns, and a lot of beautiful scenery. It was definitely a trip I wouldn't be able to do when I'm old and frail, so in that regard I am happy I did it. I ate a lot of tasty Southern German food and bonded with Becca. We started in Würzburg, where there is this AMAZING Palace/Castle thing and another ridiculously cool Fortress. Only during this trip did I truly realize the greatness and ridiculous level which the Germans have achieved in their incredibly long history. It's times like this when I wish that I had paid attention in European history.
One of the highlights of the trip was actually on my way back: we used mitfahrgelegenheit, this carpool matching service similar to Stanford's ZimRide. We paid 25 euros per person to be taken back to Berlin from Würzburg by some random couple, but... one of the couple ended up being a Chinese major and was finishing up her thesis. Her Chinese was PHENOMENAL and we talked in Chinese, English, and a little bit of German. It's little times like these that make me happy that I decided to take so many damn language units--however, it's also tough because... well, I also had a lot of free time on the trip. I read Randy Pausch's THE LAST LECTURE and found some good life lessons, perfect timing for me in this recurring life crisis I have.
I just need to do what I love, spend time with who I love most, and not worry. But... as Ben Harper said it well, it's so hard to do but so easy to say.
This week has been UBER ART week. I went to the Opera and watched Macbeth on Tuesday. On Tuesday I went to this place called the "Weinerei," where you pay 1 euro to drink as much wine as you want... and at the end of the night, you pay how much you think it was worth. Pretty cool concept, an awesome venue, and a sweet crowd. Unfortunately, I didn't really jive with any of the language partners I met there... so currently I'm still looking for a Sprachpartner.
On Wednesday I went to the Staatsoper (National Opera) for Macbeth, on Thursday I went to see Frühlings Erwachen (Spring Awakening) about the repression of sexual education by parents... and how shitty that is, and yesterday I went to Sachsenhausen, a concentration camp where... well, everything was super intense. Last night, I hung out with one of my Loyola friends who goes to Brown but is currently studying in Berlin until the end of July. Needless to say I had a LOT OF FUN hanging out with these people. I think we got along pretty well, and I was just... very comfortable with them, moreso than most (but not all) of the Stanford students here. We went to some international party where I met a bunch of students studying at the FU, and we talked about the view of America by certain types of European, and all of that. I met this one girl from Scottland who talked to me about Americans finally trying to reach out and understand the world instead of being so ... America-centric, and another girl from Poland who could speak superb English and was studying Political Science.
My classes are going well. German is pretty intense, but in a good way. I'm learning a lot of grammar and vocab, and my class is friendly. I spend a decent amount of time learning it.. since, well, while I'm here, I might as well try my best. The environmental class is very chill. We still haven't gotten our books to do our reading, so it's been mostly just talking about the environmental stuff in general. I've been learning about how the EU works, in terms of Chancellors and who actually does what... though I've got to admit, I'm still pretty lost.
Speaking of being lost, I had this huge crisis this week when I realized that I DON'T REALLY KNOW ANYTHING. I mean, that's what school and learning is all for, but honestly I realize that I am way more ignorant about a lot more than I would like. About the EU, German History, German language, politics, anything interesting (for me) to talk about. I really just want to spend like, an entire day inside... just reading and enlightening myself on things that are happening so I can be more interesting in conversations and... well, less ignorant. I realized that that is the last thing I want to be when I grow up. That and not being able to socialize.
For whatever reason, it's been really tough for me to socialize here. I'm not in my "element" and I wish things were just more comfortable. I am trying my best, and I think last night hanging out with my high school friend and his friends was a ton of fun and not too awkward at all, but aside from that time, I haven't been found myself being super excited, happy, with a group of people here yet.
I hope I find security and confidence and more good times sometime soon. Probably starting tonight at the Berlin Philharmonic..!
Much love,
Charlton
In three hours, Becca and I are heading down to Würzburg in Southern Germany to begin our bike extravaganza! I am pretty excited, and I hope to practice my German quite a bit. Again, it is my one justification for me not taking a heavy load this quarter... haha.
So this Easter, we get both Friday and Monday off. Seeing as it's pretty much a 5 day weekend (we can leave for a trip on Thursday.. and get back Monday night... it's going to be AWESOME). My friend Becca and I are planning on going on a small bike tour of Southern Germany, hopefully going around 30 miles every day and who knows what else. Today I bought a Bahncard (train discount card) and my ticket to Würzburg, the northern tip of the "Romantische Straße" or "Romantic Road." That is going to be ridiculous. I'll just have to bring a couple changes of clothes in my backpack, along with some snacks and food and .. wow, I guess I'll have to live out of my backpack for 4 days!
It has promise to be one of the cooler, more college-y cheap trips I will ever do--if all goes well. I tried to find a cool couchsurfing host, but Easter was a tough week and Becca and I decided that it would probably be a good idea just to go during the longest break we have.
Also, my uncle took me out to dinner tonight at this really tight Chinese restaurant called 老友记 or they translated it as "GOOD FRIENDS" in one of the City Centers. It was so damn tasty, and mmm. Then he brought me to the electronics store, called "Saturn" and bought me a rice cooker. Thank God. Now I can buy a ricecooker and cook rice for my meals... and fry it sometimes, and do other tasty things to it. I can't wait. Mmmmm rice. I'll be here for 5 more months, so why not have a rice cooker right? It really is just like the real world.
After the rice cooker trip, he dropped me off back at the center for a meeting with our language partners--students who volunteer to come and really just to get know the Stanford students. It's a two-way relationship, it's not necessarily that they volunteer to always help us in German; we ask them out, they ask us out, and we're all supposed to be friends. The problem was that there were like, 4 Stanford students to every 1 Sprachpartner, and it was kind of awkward. I didn't want to push myself on to other people, and I didn't really click with any person in particular. It was this pressure situation where I really wanted just to meet someone I clicked with so we could hang out, but ended up failing because I left early from the Sprachpartner meet + green to go to a bar with some friends, and then on the way to the bar decided to poop out and go home because the bar was just waay too far out (and for some of the reasons outlined below about... just not being comfortable hanging out with people). I felt like hanging out with people I didn't really want to be with is a waste of time, and I would rather spend that time with myself... doing things that make me happy and relaxed. I guess that's just my introvert exerting itself more and more....
Anyway, that was my day, and that also describes my plans for Easter. I am PUMPED but probably won't write a post until I get back next Monday night. Das ist alles!
Yeah, so this was bound to happen at some point.
Here I've finally dipped my toes into the proverbial river waters in the REAL WORLD. No more are my meals spoon fed to me, no more can my father send me something easily from home if I forgot, no more are my friends merely a phone call and then a skip and a hop away.
To be honest, I thought I was in a secure place this past year at school. For the most part (save the parts of fall quarter that were almost exclusively studying), I was comfortable and happy with my friends; but unfortunately here, it's been kind of shitty dealing with stuff. I am so glad that Ellen is here, because I feel very comfortable around her, but I have this overwhelmingly familiar with a feeling and problem that I encountered in Donner at the end of fall quarter: it's as if there is no potential for deeper connections with people around me, no matter how hard I try. I mean even at Stanford, with a shit ton of people around, it took me 3 whole quarters and so many people before I even began to find people I could not only have fun with, but be comfortable with at a personal level. And here I am, in the middle of an unknown continent (to me at least), with potentially another group of people.
Increasingly, I have wanted to go out and mean more native Berliners or whatever. It's just difficult--I mean, of course, I'm in Berlin and everyone I "meet" can be a Berliner, but who of these people that I "meet" can I keep "meeting." I don't know. Ugh.
My cousin came to visit me this past weekend from Stuttgart where he was doing an internship with a chemical engineering company, and he's pretty much been away from home since middle school. He went to high school in Singapore, community college in Santa Monica, and since has been studying in North Hampton, England at a specialized school for Leather Tannery stuff. I asked him if he ever got homesick, and he told me that the best way to deal with it was to not think about it, because thinking about it only make things worse and not better. He's probably right. Even so, I can't help it.
I've heard so many great things about going abroad. Many a Stanford alumnus has told me that if I had to do one thing at Stanford, it was to go abroad. I heard it opened up experiences, etc., but now I realize what specific experiences it gives: a relatively sharp contrast to the spoon-fed existence I have at Stanford. I have also heard study-abroad makes studying at Stanford for the rest of your time "that much more rewarding," and now I am beginning to realize that that statement may really mean that I will cherish the rest of my time there--just because it's put in context of the world at large, and study abroad gives a tiny hint of life away from the Farm.
I miss Kairos and my quasi-single, and Phi Psi and random hang-outs, and Frosh Council and my favorite, most excited student group, and really just a lot of little things I took for granted. Oh well, things will get better. I am optimistic. As any young Obama fan might say, and even though I am no longer in America, I have hope.
It's only been ten days?!
So it's late Sunday night, and I am about to go to bed so that tomorrow I can go on a run (my first one in Berlin!)
I finally got my backpack organized, finished my homework, and entered all our trips and excursions and stuff onto my iCal (toolish but necessary).
Today I accidentally broke 3 or 4 plates of my host family while trying to unload the dishwasher. I was trying to do something good, but in the end just created a huge ceramic mess on the floor. That was pretty sucky and embarrassing, but in the end my hostfamily was just very kind about it.
This weekend was PACKED. I went on a ridiculous 3.5 hour tour with my cousin on Saturday, and then ate a huuuge breakfast and went to the 100 Beers restaurant. It was a great weekend.
I think I managed to hit up all the big touristy spots in Berlin last week, so during these upcoming 9 weeks I plan on just... exploring the city more at night, and hanging out finishing my work during the day (probably). We also meet our Sprachpartners (language partners) tomorrow, and I'm looking forward to that! It's been a struggle trying to switch to German with my host family after speaking English so long with them, but it's still OK: I thoroughly enjoy that they are here. I can't imagine my place without them--it would be soo damn lonely.
Anyway, I will try to keep these short and brief so that... and so that I am not scared to write a super long one that surely no one will read anyway. This needs to become a habit, or else ... yeah. My friend Patrick from back home said that a lot of people only wrote in their blogs for the first week and then stopped--hopefully that doesn't happen with this!
Guten nacht,
Charlton
