Journals

So every day we are required to write journals. I just pounded these three out, because in my worry to try to finish my environmental paper I forgot to do these. These are pretty basic and probably incredibly poorly written, but in case you care....

I will post an update regarding the amazing couchsurfing party I went to last night, where I met a lot of cool Berliners. It was awesome.

Here is to procrastination!... and here are the journals.

5 Juni 2009
Heute werde ich mit einer Freundin von mir mich treffen. Sie ist ausgezeichnet. Sie hat mich zu dem Ball ihres Gymnasiums mitgebracht, so meine ich, dass man sagen kann, dass wir eine kleine Geschichte habe—aber es gab keine... wie sagt man das, Erfolge. Aber bisher ist sie eine gute Freundin von mir, die gerade in Paris studiert hat. Während des Jahrs, studiert sie bei USC (leider), aber sie ist sehr, sehr intelligent und freundlich. Dazu ist sie in Berghain, der größte Klub mindestens in Berlin ist, gegangen! Berghain ist sehr wählerisch, und ich glaube, dass weil ich noch nicht heiß genug bin, ich nicht betreten kann.

6 Juni 2009
Ich habe nicht so viel heute gemacht. Zum Beispiel habe ich um ein Uhr am Mittag aufgewacht, und dann habe ich geforscht um meine Umwelthausarbeiten morgen zu schreiben. Aber weil ich natürlich fast keine Motivation habe, habe ich so viel Zeit im Internet gedauert. Weil die Graduation meines Gymnasiums heute ist, habe ich ein guter Freund von mir graduieren gesehen. Es gab eine neue Livesendung im Internet, indem man diese Graduation sehen kann. Ich bin stolz auf ihn.

7 Juni 2009
Heute könnte besser gewesen sein. Obwohl ich früh aufgestanden habe um Frühstuckbuffet zu essen, bin ich nach dem unglaublich müde. Vielleicht ist der Grund, dass wenn ich normalerweise gerade fertig mit Essen bin, ich immer müde werde. Der internationale Designfestival ist in Berlin dieses Wochenende gewesen, und ich bin mit Becca und Brian Howald dahin gegangen. Wir haben schönsten Ausstellungen und spannenden Produkte, aber nach diesem Trip muss ich so viele Hausaufgaben machen. Diese Umwelthausarbeiten ist am schlechtesten....

Mein Geburtstag, und der nächste Tag

The big 20. My host-mother called me old. Jokingly, but damn I do feel old. Though I guess it is one pretty important thing I've learned here in Germany--that worry is waste.

It was a great day. Just a regular day, where I had two classes, hung out with some friends, made some phone calls, got a tasty Indian food dinner, and then finished the day at my home with my host family, with whom I indulged some cake. They also bought me a pretty amazing Berlin cap and pretty comfy sandals--you know, the kind that says BERLIN BERLIN BERLIN BERLIN BERLIN BERLIN all over it, with an off-colored berlin once in a while. Whoever came up with that design must be making bank right now.

Everything is winding down. In a week at 10:05 from Berlin Tegel, I am beginning an epic journey back to Chicago. And that will mark the end of this study abroad quarter. How it flew by. What the fcuk.

In about an hour and a half, the Bings are sponsoring a grill party, where all our host families are invited and we can have time and food to enjoy with each other! I plan on staying in tonight, working hard and finishing up a lot of my environmental paper... and then ready to plan my awesome weekend. There is an Umweltfestival, or Environmental Festival in the city this Sunday, and I really want to rent a bike and ride around with people. That should be sick. Also, there's a design festival going on... and a bunch of partying is to be had before I go (albeit temporarily).

Und für jetzt ist das alles!

AND... I didn't do anything wreckless

Today was fantastic. Class was... what it was, not too tough. We got out of German class 30 minutes early, and so I cooked my lunch of ramen (mushroom flavored) with a fried egg on top (delicious), folded my laundry, and headed out for an entire day in Berlin.

I started at a stop away from where my uncle lives (though he is currently in Indonesia) and walked... pretty damn far. I discovered this humongous park by his house which has a Freiluftkino, or Open air theatre which plays movies at 9:45 every night for the entire summer. Auf Deutsch. I'm actually really excited to go to these.... and yeah. Awesome.

There are an unbelievable number of tasty food joints, cheap ice cream cafes, and other unreasonably cool things around my Uncle's apartment. Kreuzberg really is pretty damn cool. I walked around for maybe three miles in my flippy-floppies today, causing some minor blisters... but the 50 cent investment in an apple and Brötchen totally made things way better.

I walked by several tasty Vietnamese restaurants, and have finally decided that there are really enough good Asian food places to keep me afloat. I love the Wurst, but I also love the rice--an affinity and habit I expect to stay with me the rest of my life.

I killed a lot of time walking in directions that I think I will eventually need to recognize given that I'm working around that area during the summer, and then killed some more time looking through souvenirs to get people for my kleine Pause (small break) in den USA (in the USA). I was mostly unsuccessful. So it went.

To my pleasant surprise I stumbled upon a brand new vietnamesische und japanische Restaurant, so everything had a 20% discount! And it was "SOOO GOOOD." Srsly.

I decided it was late enough to attempt to wait in line to get into the Reichstag, the Parliament of the Bundesrepublik Deutschland (Federal Republic of Germany), on which a glass dome rests. People can walk up the glass dome and stare down into the Parliament chamber, where the government makes the rules, to symbolize the transparency of the German government. It's pretty fantastic. There is so much about the German system that I really find fascinating.

We learned in German class the other day about how the German vote for Parliament works. Every can vote for certain people running in their district, their so-called erste Stimme (first vote), and their zweite Stimme (second vote) goes NOT to a single person, but to a party. From every district, the candidate with the highest percentage gets a direct route to Parliament, but at the end of the day there is also a certain % distribution of the votes of the entire country.

From this percentage, the REST of the Parliament is filled. For example, if the CDU (Christian Democratic Union) gets 50% of the vote, but only has 20% of the Parliament filled with its candidates who got directly elected, that means that it can fill up the other 30% with its candidates from it's LIST. The list is a ranking of candidates' right to enter the party in order to fill up this extra percentage, and this list is available to the public while voting. In other words, the party can choose to put really smart people, not necessarily just smart talkers or smoozing politicians, in high places on this list, and then hope that these smart people can get in.

I was talking to my host-brother about this, and he said that a lot of TEACHERS and PROFESSORS actually enter politics--and that the current Chancellor, Angela Merkel used to be a Professor--as well as the Minister for the Environment, incidentally.

In all, it was a fantastic day which followed a fantastic weekend in Madrid. I learned so much about the Spanish lifestyle. Mealtimes are almost nonexistent breakfast, a 2PM brunch, and a 10PM dinner. Isn't that ridiculous? The Stanford students there are on a language pledge, and are more "immersed" in the "native culture" than we are--but I've decided that they are merely different programs to serve different purposes. The lessons I've learned--managing time, living alone, how to keep myself preoccupied, how to travel smart, how to cook for small groups of people, how to shop smart, how to live in a big city, and how to be myself OUTSIDE of the Stanford (in palo alto) bubble--these are priceless.

Oh, and what I did in Berlin? I ate a LOT. Patatas Bravas are my new favorite spanish snack--well, tortillas are pretty damn tasty too. What a great trip. An amazing way to top off my traveling ventures this quarter.

I look forward to couch surfing during the summer, and I really hope I get around to it!

Anywho, that is all for now. Thanks for reading all of this (that even includes you, person who calls me "baby boy" even though I deeply detest it.)

German, Environmental Paper, Reimbursements, transition, and fitting in the last tidbits of culture into this fantastic adventure.

Tomorrow night, the plan is to ride the Ring Bahn around, with iPods, silent dance parties, and some German beverages. It will be the night before our final German exam, which I'm not TOO worried about.

Today I stayed up and did my first whole day of work. I read a lot, wrote a lot, and honestly it was pretty nice. I felt good... being with myself, hanging out, doing what I wanted to do, reading what I wanted to read. It was fantastic. To think that last year around this time, I could barely stand being alone...

It's raining cats and dogs outside, quite loudly, and I hope that subsides by tomorrow. I plan on getting up in 7 hours or so to head to the Reichstag, the historic Parliament building, in which I can just wander around and go up to the glass dome up top. The glass dome symbolizes the transparency with which the German government wants to have, and this idea of transparency manifests itself in all the architecture in the so-called "governmental quarters," which includes buildings where the Chancellor works, where members of Congress work, etc.

----

So I just woke up, and it appears that I stopped this post halfway... through. That's probably why it ends abruptly.

Warum--warum nicht?

It's early Sunday morning, after an otherwise fantastic day. After an amazing Birthday for the Republic of Germany, I had a fantastic dinner and an amazing night with some friends.

At this point of the quarter, I'm not sure how to feel. Incredibly happy, accomplished, relaxed, regretful, depressed: These are all of the feelings I've felt over the past two days, all of which I have tried to attempt to reconcile with my life plan. Unfortunately, I have yet to find one--except I do know that some way, somehow, I want to be happy. Viel Glück, as I would tell myself....

After some cards and some tasty dinner, tonight was relaxing. Some of my friends and I are going to the Spreewald tomorrow to go kayaking, which should be a ton of fun.

But even with that in mind, it's been an hour since I've been home and haven't even been close to finding a way to sleep. After making several bad decisions tonight, involving seeing how some of my friends were doing, I learned that perhaps that the decisions I have made over the past year and a half have in fact NOT maximized my happiness. That in fact, they have created unnecessary anxiety, needless angst, and unfortunate amounts of insecurity which is altogether just not very healthy, either for a student or anyone else.

I don't know what to feel or think. I do know that I wish that somehow, I could escape my negative cognitive schema during times like these to convince myself, like I do most of the time, that things are spectacular and all will be well.

As someone said very well on the episode of "This American Life" which I was listening to while I was on the U-Bahn today: Shit.

HERZLICHEN GLÜCKWUNSCH ZUM GEBURTSTAG, BUNDESREPUBLIK DEUTSCHLAND

So... today is the birthday for the Federal Republic of Germany. Isn't that fantastic? Supposedly there's going to be a huge party extending down Unter den Linden, arguably the widest street in Berlin that passes through the Brandenburg Tor (Gate). I'm excited. I know the title of the post was misleading, but.. yes, I am pretty excited.

This place is fantastic. I love Berlin. Today, after going to a museum in which objects from the 1200s to the present were held and seeing more arm bones of Saints that I would've like to see in a lifetime, I had some quiche, ice cream, listened to some of "This American Life" (my new favorite podcast, now that I have time to kill while waiting for trains on the U-Bahn or S-Bahn), took a nap, and then watched the German Ballet "Schneewitchen," or "Snow White." It was absolutely fantastic. My favorite ballet for sure. The dancing was great, interesting set, fantastic costumes, and really... intense. It wasn't 'til recently that I remembered that the witch is actually given shoes which force her to dance herself to death....

Afterwards, we headed back toward a friend's house for some fun German Brettspielen (board games). We played Monopoly, IN GERMAN, with German street names... and man that was fantastic. I got the rush of all rolling dice, landing on property, playing with money, and negotiating properties--all of which I've learned from family board game nights, during which we spent probably at least a hundred hours playing Monopoly, dealing, rolling, and one game lasted a week. My sister and I would run into my parents bedroom at 9AM, wake them up, and force them to roll while they were half asleep. I would shove the dice into my dad's relaxed hand, let them fall out, and call that his "roll." Those were the days....

Anyway, I can't believe I'm only here for... less than three weeks. Time flies. Tempus fugit. Zeit fliegt.

Bis nächste mal,
Charton

Schon Woche Sieben?

Already Week Seven!? I can't believe how quickly my Berlin time is flying away. Tempus fugit. Zeit fliegen. Stimmt.

I'm at the center now, just waiting around for my two friends to get out of their language class so we can buy clothes for our "Special Dinner" on a boat in Berlin this Thursday. It is a holiday, so we have no classes, and instead we have planned a trip with dinner on a boat around the rivers in Berlin. It should be fantastic.

I'm a little bit sad that my German is still just OK after this long, but it's not surprising since I am not meeting as many Germans as I would like. Little over a week ago, my friend Ellen and I gave our former RA a surprise call, and he told us that he met lots of Germans via his German girlfriend whom he met in Germany. What a great idea.

My Sprachpartnerin unfortunately broke her leg, and it's, well, tough to get her to come out. I'd feel guilty, and otherwise we can just cook. Which is fine, but I really need to go out and see more of the city.

Recently I've been really getting excited for a) spending the last amazing couple weeks here, b) going home for a little bit, and c) seeing my Stanford friends for a day or so when I come visit during June. It's a healthy progression of things to look forward to.

This past weekend I went to London with two fellow Kairos-ites, and we ate a lot of delicious Indian food, saw the typical touristy things, and listened to some intense conversations around Speakers Corner in Hyde Park. People have some crazy ideas. I listened to some guy who believed that AIDS was concocted by "white people" to kill of "black people," citing how such a widespread virus could only be having devastating effects in Africa. Really? We lingered around, listening to religious fanatics discuss the credibility of their respective Holy books, and the dysfunctional political system of Africa and how that compares with the EU and the US.

I learned once again how little I know about everything, and realized how much of the day I spend not informing myself via readings and other things. I also learned that in order to fix all of these problems, I probably should learn something technical. I think I'm going to take 19/20 units in the fall to finally decide what I want to do with my life, and then narrow down my field of study. Hopefully among ME203, ECON50, and CS106X, I'll be able to determine what I want to do with my life. Aim high?

My good friend Patrick told me once, "Shoot for the stars. Even if you miss, you will land on the moon." I once thought that was a funny statement. Aim high, and even if you miss you'll land a slightly lower platform, given that platform exists and given that landing on the lower platform is desirable. I don't know. Come to think of it, he used to be one of the few people who used to read the blog that I wrote in my middle-age, pubescent youth. I guess what I'm trying to say is, perhaps the statement should be aiming anywhere at all will lead you somewhere, whether you expected or not.

These posts always degenerate from summary, to a brief lesson I learned, to random things that Charlton worries about.

A RAINY DAY

Heute regnet es. So all I did after class was go shopping at a place where I bought ridiculously cheap clothes. It was all sold by the kilogram, and because I went during Happy Hour, I only paid 9.99 euros per Kilo. I bought 1.5 kilos, which consisted of 4 shirts and like... snowboarding pants with suspenders. I am ridiculously, RIDICULOUSLY excited for Star Trek tomorrow. I plan on going to school in my "Uniform" and ... well, being pumped all day for it.

I also realized how much listening to music lightens up my mood. I should definitely listen to my iPod as I go around campus more often, especially if I'm walking.

Sweeeet.

Warum kann ich nicht schlafen?

I've been essentially done with work for an hour and a half but haven't been able to lug myself into bed. I don't know why, but for some reason... I don't know. I've just been thinking about a lot of unproductive thoughts. About what I've been spending my time at Stanford doing, and how I plan on spending the rest of it. I mean, it kind of sucks that at this point, I have to take a predetermined set of classes if I even want to think about finishing undergrad in 4 years; and it also sucks that after having two years gone by, I haven't really got myself involved in a sustainable activity that I've been super pumped about. It's as if my college time is slipping away from me, and not only is there nothing I can do about it, but I'm not even savoring the time during which it slips away--only am I inanely staring at it. I vid-chatted with a friend of mine from high school, who reminded me to "do what I love and f the rest," but if there's one thing I learned in college, it is that situations are always more complicated than they seem.

I miss being back on the farm (not in a I wish I weren't in Berlin way, but in a I miss traditional college way), and if I were in the real world right now and looked back at my college experience as if I had graduated, I would probably be disappointed in myself. Not because I didn't party enough or anything, but rather that I didn't use my time to learn something unique, useful, and universally applicable in both academia, personal relationships, and the most important of all, that I didn't figure out what makes me happy.

If anything, I've learned that I need to get regular amounts of sleep to function well, and that I worry a LOT, even though I know how much worrying does not help. I've learned that I'm going to be applying for things for the rest of my life, and a lot of times I won't necessary get what I want. To be honest, it's mostly a lot of spring quarter freshmen year irrational state of mind flooding my vulnerable psyche, but whatever it is, it sure isn't helping me sleep.

I guess it is not bad news that I am tired again!

Nachdem Amsterdam, Brüssel, und ein andere schöne Tag!

Amsterdam and Brussels were fantastic. The car rides there and back were a little long, but needless to say I had no trouble falling asleep in the car, as I usually do during long drives (... only when I'm in the back seat). We definitely walked through the Rotes-Licht Viertel (Red-Light District) and saw our fair share of our "Women of Negotiable Affections" and Coffee Houses and that kind of stuff. In Brussels I had enough Belgium Chocolate, saw the typical tourist sites, and fortunately RAN INTO THE COOLEST "SCARE CROW" MAKING CONTEST EVER. So on the Grand Market Place stood a bunch of numbered scare crows, each made by a different, and after looking at all of them (for free) you could pay 2 euros to vote for your favorite. The charity who made the scare crow which received the most votes got some decent sum of money, so the scare crows were of high quality! There were ginormous ones, one made out of only a bike, one with a billion international flags so tourists could stand in front and take pictures (good idea, we definitely took advantage of this one), one made of just a 2D piece of green board, one of only soda cans and was R2D2, and a whole bunch of other Belgian-Waffle themed ones. It was great timing for us to come. Belgium was pleasant, except for that it was a bit difficult to communicate with people!

and... well, shoot. Tonight was a great day. Ellen and I went to Prenzlauer Berg, this incredibly hip part of Berlin, and walked around. We stood in front of an Indian Restaurant for a little too long, so the guy came out and showed us the Menu. We said we had already ate, but were curious as to when the Happy Hour was. He said, "Für Sie... jetzt," or "For you... now." We went in, tasted some juice, and then left to explore the rest of the Prenz-Berg. I finally bought an awesome tiny Lonely Planet guide to Berlin, and to all of its hip places. I'm definitely excited to check some of these places off.

I ended up hanging out with the son of my uncle's friend in and around the middle of Berlin for the evening. He kept asking me what I wanted to do, so I pulled out the Lonely Planet book to see what was nearby--and lo and behold stood the Erotik Museum. We went in. It was surprising to see so much art devoted to the sexual positions, and it was even more surprising (for me anyway, since I know very little about the history of sex) to see that most of the pictures were from Japan or China. It probably has to do with the fact that neither of these countries are largely Christian and thus don't have a huge taboo on sex.

After our sexcursion, we went and had dinner with our families. We had a mix of German, Chinese, and Indonesian food in my uncle's friend's flat. Apparently Berlin apartments are all designed identically--my uncle's apartment and his friend's have the exact same room set-up, even though they live in different complexes. This guy lives on the top floor of his complex (5th story), a building with only stairs, and has a family of only doctors. It was a familiar, all Indonesian setting with Indonesian and Deutsch been thrown around. It's sad to think that I can barely speak Indonesian at all, and can only understand it. I can speak Chinese and German better than Indonesian, but can understand Indonesian better than I can speak Chinese or German.

Bis nächste mal..

This Weekend?!

The plan is AMSTERDAM. I am prepared to meet many an Indonesian small restaurant owner, and do other things. But.... this just happened today. I'm a little scared.

Royal Family Target of Car Attack in Netherlands

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/01/world/europe/01dutch.html?_r=1&ref=world

Things have been great.. yes. Yesssss.

Budapest and an AWESOME Wochenende

Thanks to a generous Stanford and BOSP Stanford in Germany Alum by the name of George Will, our program had a funded trip to Budapest, Hungary, during which we met with a pretty amazing professor, economist, and diplomat. I learned a lot about Hungary's history and it's place (or lack thereof?) in the European Union. I learned about why it still doesn't use the Euro (or isn't allowed to..) and popular mindsets of the Hungarian people, specifically the lack of confidence in government, the inability to grasp a stable political system, and the lasting effects of socialist and fascist rule on the people. It was a WHOLE LOT to absorb, but also pretty damn fascinating (during the parts I managed to stay awake during. We had to get up at 7AM every day, culminating with a 5AM breakfast the morning of our 7:30AM flight. Fun, I know). I took a dip in the Turkish baths, managed to sight see quite a bit, and went into this neat little place called the "Old Man's Pub" and tasted some interesting Hungarian beverages. Overall, a great trip; but at the end, I really just wanted to be back in Berlin: where the transportation is easy, the food is cheap, and the possibilities are endless.

We got back to Berlin early Saturday morning. After a tiny bit of work, and a WHOLE LOT of nap, I went out with Ellen to a place our handy dandy KKLQGTB (Kalani Kai Leifer's Quick Guide to Berlin) recommended by Schlesischer(s?) Tor. But the most fascinating part was Die Lange Nacht der Opern und Theatre: A 6 hour festival in which every Opera and Theatre and everything in between was open in the city, and every venue had it's own schedule for the evening with thirty minute intervals. We rushed from Opera to Theatre to Cabarett just to see a variety of different theatres and shows. It was absolutely ridiculous, how much culture I could just soak up and absorb in one night, merely by walking around and hopping on and off trains. That was a FANTASTIC evening.

Today I woke up for a morning Sunday brunch buffet. So damn tasty. Afterwards my friend Jiahui and I ran into a "International Children's Festival" where I managed to get a couple free things and admire lots of children running around, being happy, riding ponies, choo-choo trains, jumping in bounce houses, and other mindless fun. God those were the days. Now all I think about is how to become less and less ignorant.

Things are great. I love Berlin. I had a great conversation with my host brother tonight about his girlfriend and things are coming together. Hopefully I will meet my language partner for the first time tomorrow (I know, it's week 5 and I haven't met with one yet...).

So funny story:

I stored Ellen Cerf's Sprachpartner's number as my Sprachparterin's number. I was in contact with my Sprachpartner via email, but whenever I texted her I got a response as if she wasn't too keen on hanging out with me. I was confused by mixed responses. When I finally called the number, a very deep male voice picked up... and I had realized what I had done. For the past 4 days I had been texting the wrong person, asking someone who wasn't too excited to hang out with me... to, well, hang out with me. What an epic fail. But I'm finally meeting with her tomorrow, I hope, and things should work out!

I'm gonna go to bed so I can go on another run tomorrow morning. Today at breakfast we were discussing the reality of stretching stomachs, increasing hunger tolerance, and ways to prevent the stomach from stretching inelastically to the point where I will be perpetually hungry (and thus, perpetually obese). That would be the worst. And that is why I am frantically scrambling to get back into shape! Und... das ist alles!

ein schöne Tag

On the eve of my 2nd humongous German test, I have decided to take the higher route, not study for German, and instead write in this internet pensieve of mine.

This past weekend was FANTASTIC. I had a shit ton of fun partying and going to random places. But I talked about that already.

Today was a low-key but overall fantastic day. I got up at 8, did reading and homeworks until class, went to class, bought tickets for my upcoming trip to Madrid at the end of May, bought seats to the finals of the World Championships of Track and Field on Sunday, and then went home to study some more. But the highlight of the time was cooking for my host family, and putting together a humble meal of sushi. Granted, the fish was frozen and not fresh, and the rice I made definitely had a little TOO MUCH water and thus was nearly impossible to spread over the seaweed correctly; but overall the food both looked and tasted great.

It's this reason that I'm glad I'm living with this amazing family. The weather today was also ridiculously beautiful. It's great being able to walk out of the U-Bahn Station to see the healthy branches and fresh green leaves against a bright blue sky. It also makes me happy that I have good vision, because I noticed that when I'm not wearing corrective lenses, colors just... well, aren't as AWEsome.

I had a lunch yesterday with Jiahui, and we talked a little bit about how we both were doing. I admitted that I was having difficulty adjusting at first, mainly because I missed Stanford so much, but since then I have realized that I am living in arguably the most vibrant, accepting, lively city in the world and I have to live it up. After that discussion, we went to the nearest Backerei and bought a Rumkugel (a chocolate spherical pastry filled with.. chocolate rum. It was actually PRETTY NASTY, but we tried it and learned. Good times).

Also, Phi Psi has decided its bids and I guess they've determined our residents for next year! I don't really know any of them, but I hope everything works out for the best and they will be friendly to their KM....!

Bis bald!

Was für eine Woche!

What a week!

Last Sunday night I got back from my mini bike tour of Southern Germany. 110km total, two small towns, and a lot of beautiful scenery. It was definitely a trip I wouldn't be able to do when I'm old and frail, so in that regard I am happy I did it. I ate a lot of tasty Southern German food and bonded with Becca. We started in Würzburg, where there is this AMAZING Palace/Castle thing and another ridiculously cool Fortress. Only during this trip did I truly realize the greatness and ridiculous level which the Germans have achieved in their incredibly long history. It's times like this when I wish that I had paid attention in European history.

One of the highlights of the trip was actually on my way back: we used mitfahrgelegenheit, this carpool matching service similar to Stanford's ZimRide. We paid 25 euros per person to be taken back to Berlin from Würzburg by some random couple, but... one of the couple ended up being a Chinese major and was finishing up her thesis. Her Chinese was PHENOMENAL and we talked in Chinese, English, and a little bit of German. It's little times like these that make me happy that I decided to take so many damn language units--however, it's also tough because... well, I also had a lot of free time on the trip. I read Randy Pausch's THE LAST LECTURE and found some good life lessons, perfect timing for me in this recurring life crisis I have.

I just need to do what I love, spend time with who I love most, and not worry. But... as Ben Harper said it well, it's so hard to do but so easy to say.

This week has been UBER ART week. I went to the Opera and watched Macbeth on Tuesday. On Tuesday I went to this place called the "Weinerei," where you pay 1 euro to drink as much wine as you want... and at the end of the night, you pay how much you think it was worth. Pretty cool concept, an awesome venue, and a sweet crowd. Unfortunately, I didn't really jive with any of the language partners I met there... so currently I'm still looking for a Sprachpartner.

On Wednesday I went to the Staatsoper (National Opera) for Macbeth, on Thursday I went to see Frühlings Erwachen (Spring Awakening) about the repression of sexual education by parents... and how shitty that is, and yesterday I went to Sachsenhausen, a concentration camp where... well, everything was super intense. Last night, I hung out with one of my Loyola friends who goes to Brown but is currently studying in Berlin until the end of July. Needless to say I had a LOT OF FUN hanging out with these people. I think we got along pretty well, and I was just... very comfortable with them, moreso than most (but not all) of the Stanford students here. We went to some international party where I met a bunch of students studying at the FU, and we talked about the view of America by certain types of European, and all of that. I met this one girl from Scottland who talked to me about Americans finally trying to reach out and understand the world instead of being so ... America-centric, and another girl from Poland who could speak superb English and was studying Political Science.

My classes are going well. German is pretty intense, but in a good way. I'm learning a lot of grammar and vocab, and my class is friendly. I spend a decent amount of time learning it.. since, well, while I'm here, I might as well try my best. The environmental class is very chill. We still haven't gotten our books to do our reading, so it's been mostly just talking about the environmental stuff in general. I've been learning about how the EU works, in terms of Chancellors and who actually does what... though I've got to admit, I'm still pretty lost.

Speaking of being lost, I had this huge crisis this week when I realized that I DON'T REALLY KNOW ANYTHING. I mean, that's what school and learning is all for, but honestly I realize that I am way more ignorant about a lot more than I would like. About the EU, German History, German language, politics, anything interesting (for me) to talk about. I really just want to spend like, an entire day inside... just reading and enlightening myself on things that are happening so I can be more interesting in conversations and... well, less ignorant. I realized that that is the last thing I want to be when I grow up. That and not being able to socialize.

For whatever reason, it's been really tough for me to socialize here. I'm not in my "element" and I wish things were just more comfortable. I am trying my best, and I think last night hanging out with my high school friend and his friends was a ton of fun and not too awkward at all, but aside from that time, I haven't been found myself being super excited, happy, with a group of people here yet.

I hope I find security and confidence and more good times sometime soon. Probably starting tonight at the Berlin Philharmonic..!

Much love,
Charlton

HEUTE ABEND: SÜDDEUTSCHLAND

In three hours, Becca and I are heading down to Würzburg in Southern Germany to begin our bike extravaganza! I am pretty excited, and I hope to practice my German quite a bit. Again, it is my one justification for me not taking a heavy load this quarter... haha.

So planning is KEY to having any legit experience and not worrying about the cost. Getting train tickets, plane tickets, ALL of these kinds of things are a pain in the butt given that things are NOT AS CHEAP AS WE THOUGHT / WERE TOLD. I feel like I couldv'e/should've gone to Prague with the huge group this past weekend, if not to have a good time then to at least bond with the group, but I think the wine tasting and beer gardens and huge German castles will also be worth it.

After talking to several close friends over the past couple days, I've decided to just... well, GO FOR IT. I should go out more often, meet more people, who knows, but I am more optimistic. I'm here in Germany in Europe for the first time, and maybe the last time for a while (who knows?) but I should make the most of it.

Last night Jiahui cooked us AMAZING cheese and chocolate fondue at her apartment. It was definitely a hoot, with tasty food, good company, and ein bisschen Deutsch Sprechen (a little bit of Germany speaking). 

Next week I have plans to teach my host family how to roll sushi--THAT is going to be tough! Fun... but definitely tough, since I haven't done that in a LONG time. Since last summer when I did it for my former AKPsi big and her summer roommate. Mmm that was good.

Anyway, I'm gonna go for a bit and read about where I'm going. My cell phone is going to be shut off and I won't have internet access until I return home on Monday night, so..... wiederseh'n!

Heute... und Ostern!

So this Easter, we get both Friday and Monday off. Seeing as it's pretty much a 5 day weekend (we can leave for a trip on Thursday.. and get back Monday night... it's going to be AWESOME). My friend Becca and I are planning on going on a small bike tour of Southern Germany, hopefully going around 30 miles every day and who knows what else. Today I bought a Bahncard (train discount card) and my ticket to Würzburg, the northern tip of the "Romantische Straße" or "Romantic Road." That is going to be ridiculous. I'll just have to bring a couple changes of clothes in my backpack, along with some snacks and food and .. wow, I guess I'll have to live out of my backpack for 4 days!

It has promise to be one of the cooler, more college-y cheap trips I will ever do--if all goes well. I tried to find a cool couchsurfing host, but Easter was a tough week and Becca and I decided that it would probably be a good idea just to go during the longest break we have.

Also, my uncle took me out to dinner tonight at this really tight Chinese restaurant called 老友记 or they translated it as "GOOD FRIENDS" in one of the City Centers. It was so damn tasty, and mmm. Then he brought me to the electronics store, called "Saturn" and bought me a rice cooker. Thank God. Now I can buy a ricecooker and cook rice for my meals... and fry it sometimes, and do other tasty things to it. I can't wait. Mmmmm rice. I'll be here for 5 more months, so why not have a rice cooker right? It really is just like the real world.

After the rice cooker trip, he dropped me off back at the center for a meeting with our language partners--students who volunteer to come and really just to get know the Stanford students. It's a two-way relationship, it's not necessarily that they volunteer to always help us in German; we ask them out, they ask us out, and we're all supposed to be friends. The problem was that there were like, 4 Stanford students to every 1 Sprachpartner, and it was kind of awkward. I didn't want to push myself on to other people, and I didn't really click with any person in particular. It was this pressure situation where I really wanted just to meet someone I clicked with so we could hang out, but ended up failing because I left early from the Sprachpartner meet + green to go to a bar with some friends, and then on the way to the bar decided to poop out and go home because the bar was just waay too far out (and for some of the reasons outlined below about... just not being comfortable hanging out with people). I felt like hanging out with people I didn't really want to be with is a waste of time, and I would rather spend that time with myself... doing things that make me happy and relaxed. I guess that's just my introvert exerting itself more and more....

Anyway, that was my day, and that also describes my plans for Easter. I am PUMPED but probably won't write a post until I get back next Monday night. Das ist alles!

Homesick

Yeah, so this was bound to happen at some point.

Here I've finally dipped my toes into the proverbial river waters in the REAL WORLD. No more are my meals spoon fed to me, no more can my father send me something easily from home if I forgot, no more are my friends merely a phone call and then a skip and a hop away.

To be honest, I thought I was in a secure place this past year at school. For the most part (save the parts of fall quarter that were almost exclusively studying), I was comfortable and happy with my friends; but unfortunately here, it's been kind of shitty dealing with stuff. I am so glad that Ellen is here, because I feel very comfortable around her, but I have this overwhelmingly familiar with a feeling and problem that I encountered in Donner at the end of fall quarter: it's as if there is no potential for deeper connections with people around me, no matter how hard I try. I mean even at Stanford, with a shit ton of people around, it took me 3 whole quarters and so many people before I even began to find people I could not only have fun with, but be comfortable with at a personal level. And here I am, in the middle of an unknown continent (to me at least), with potentially another group of people.

Increasingly, I have wanted to go out and mean more native Berliners or whatever. It's just difficult--I mean, of course, I'm in Berlin and everyone I "meet" can be a Berliner, but who of these people that I "meet" can I keep "meeting." I don't know. Ugh.

My cousin came to visit me this past weekend from Stuttgart where he was doing an internship with a chemical engineering company, and he's pretty much been away from home since middle school. He went to high school in Singapore, community college in Santa Monica, and since has been studying in North Hampton, England at a specialized school for Leather Tannery stuff. I asked him if he ever got homesick, and he told me that the best way to deal with it was to not think about it, because thinking about it only make things worse and not better. He's probably right. Even so, I can't help it.

I've heard so many great things about going abroad. Many a Stanford alumnus has told me that if I had to do one thing at Stanford, it was to go abroad. I heard it opened up experiences, etc., but now I realize what specific experiences it gives: a relatively sharp contrast to the spoon-fed existence I have at Stanford. I have also heard study-abroad makes studying at Stanford for the rest of your time "that much more rewarding," and now I am beginning to realize that that statement may really mean that I will cherish the rest of my time there--just because it's put in context of the world at large, and study abroad gives a tiny hint of life away from the Farm.

I miss Kairos and my quasi-single, and Phi Psi and random hang-outs, and Frosh Council and my favorite, most excited student group, and really just a lot of little things I took for granted. Oh well, things will get better. I am optimistic. As any young Obama fan might say, and even though I am no longer in America, I have hope.

Es ist nur zehn Tage gewesen?

It's only been ten days?!

So it's late Sunday night, and I am about to go to bed so that tomorrow I can go on a run (my first one in Berlin!)

I finally got my backpack organized, finished my homework, and entered all our trips and excursions and stuff onto my iCal (toolish but necessary).

Today I accidentally broke 3 or 4 plates of my host family while trying to unload the dishwasher. I was trying to do something good, but in the end just created a huge ceramic mess on the floor. That was pretty sucky and embarrassing, but in the end my hostfamily was just very kind about it.

This weekend was PACKED. I went on a ridiculous 3.5 hour tour with my cousin on Saturday, and then ate a huuuge breakfast and went to the 100 Beers restaurant. It was a great weekend.

I think I managed to hit up all the big touristy spots in Berlin last week, so during these upcoming 9 weeks I plan on just... exploring the city more at night, and hanging out finishing my work during the day (probably). We also meet our Sprachpartners (language partners) tomorrow, and I'm looking forward to that! It's been a struggle trying to switch to German with my host family after speaking English so long with them, but it's still OK: I thoroughly enjoy that they are here. I can't imagine my place without them--it would be soo damn lonely.

Anyway, I will try to keep these short and brief so that... and so that I am not scared to write a super long one that surely no one will read anyway. This needs to become a habit, or else ... yeah. My friend Patrick from back home said that a lot of people only wrote in their blogs for the first week and then stopped--hopefully that doesn't happen with this!

Guten nacht,
Charlton

Deutsche Tastatur

So currently I'm at the center, dinkin around on German keyboards. Typing is sooo much different on these things. I just wanted to say (and show) that.

Jetlag und Andere Dinge

So it's about 7:15AM right now and I can't seem to fall back sleep. Today is my first day of class (need to be somewhere at 9:30AM) and I guess I won't be getting a full night's sleep. It probably has something to do with going to bed at 4AM on Sunday, getting up at noon, and then taking another nap from 4PM to 7PM.

So I reread my last post just to see exactly how much I've said about what's actually gone down, and I guess I got an unfortunately gave a rather bleak view of my first day and homestay. It was a nervous time, indeed, but I guess I'll take this away time to mention some of the good parts of my stay so far!

To state unequivocally, my host family has been incredibly generous, welcoming, and very helpful. My host mom continues to be very kind, as are my host-brothers. It turns out that the older of the host brothers, Max, turns out to be only 4 months younger than I am. He's incredibly kind, mature, and has a big heart. Yesterday, I hung out with my host-brother during the day and my Stanford friends at night. While hanging out with my host brother, I found out that the father of the family passed away about three years ago, and since then, they've remodeled the house and all of that. I've also been learning a lot of German culture from him regarding schools, politics, tensions between Germans and the Turkish minority, etc. Overall it's been great.

I'm eager for the school quarter to start so I can continue to meet more Stanford students, figure out what sport classes (if any) I want to take at the nearby Freie Universität, and decide on my courseload (whether or not to take 13 or 18 units). But I'll probably have more to say about that later.

Bis bald (literally "until soon" or "see you soon," but only figuratively of course),
Charlton

Erst Tag

My trip to Berlin was long and disconnected. After sleeping only an hour from 3:30 to 4:30 the night before my 7:21AM flight from LAX to O'Hare, I was expecting to sleep through much of the plane rides (which I thanfully did). I looked through the German vocabulary book, reviewing fruits and traffic words and useful phrases; and when I got bored of that I flipped through a sex-encounter-filled book called The Reader by Bernard Schlink. It was a great, quick read. It also was a rude awakening to how little I knew about where I was getting myself into for the next 6 months of my young college life

In short, my route was LAX 7:21AM --> 12:30PM O'Hare 2:23PM --> 5:00AM Frankfurt 7:30AM --> 8:30AM Berlin.

All my luggage arrived and as I walked out of the gate, my uncle quickly greeted me and drove me around the city to a) get some moneys exchanged, b) buy and insert a sim card to my phone, and c) bring me to the Center.

The Center was pretty sweet. Fully equipped with a library, a "student lobby," a kitchen, a weightroom, clerical offices, a garden, and other fun things, it was exciting to roam around the place where I would be spending my mornings and early afternoons for spring quarter. I chatted with some of the other students and commiserated with them on how little German we knew. Wow.

I arrived at the Center at around 12PM. I was given a tour of the house by my good friend and fellow Phi Psi Arty Rivera, had my computer connected to the network, and most importantly, found out where my homestay was.

At first I was disappointed to hear that my homestay was only 2 U-Bahn (pretty much, SUBWAY) stops away from the center. Then the housing director told me my host family consists of a single mother and her two sons, ages 14 and 16 she guessed. She wasn't far off. She also said they were a VERY nice family. All day I was anxious and worried and, well, it finally got time for me to go to "home."

My host family said they were be at home ready for me to arrive at 4PM, but there were complications and I ended up not leaving the center until about 6:45PM. When I arrived, a young guy with long-ish brown hair and pretty good English welcomed me in and helped me bring in some of my bags. He was the older of the two host-brothers, and then I was introduced to his younger brother and my host-mom. They were incredibly pleasant people! I found out my younger host-brother (equivalent in age and school to a sophomore in high school) plays a lot of WoW, and my older host-brother plays a lot of... well, I don't know, but I do know he likes Mechanics and Physics and that kind of stuff.

Today for a school event, the students had an event called "Kasselauf" (I'm not exactly sure why the "Kasse" but the "lauf" means run). It's essentially a big run around a lake, 2.6km, in which teams of three carry around 24 8 oz. bottles of beer in a big box. My host brothers said about 200 people were there, with 50 teams of three. The team of my older host-brother (who is still younger than me, only by a year though), named Max, placed 4th in the event, and the team of my younger brother (the sophomore in HS), namedTobias, placed 15th (but the first in his grade).The rules are that the first team to both reach the finish line AND finish all the beers without purposely inducing vomiting along the way (apparently some teams did that last year and it gave them an unfair advantage. Hahah). There were several obstacles to overcome: If you didn't drink the beer and carried the case to the end, it was tooo heavy and cumbersome. If you drank too much beer and tried carrying the case to the end, you'd be too drunk and ... well, dysfunctional. Most teams had a balance (though I hear one team pre-gamed the event and then used non-alcoholic beer for the beer in their case... haha). That was the most German culture I learned today (oh and that school goes until 13th grade here, which is something like a intro to college ...).


My host-mom speaks pretty much perfect English, and I think at some time in the future (probably sometime next week) I'll ask her to speak to me in German so that I can practice and learn some. I need to ask the same of my host brothers.

It turns out she ordered pizza, so all 4 of us ate pizza and watched German television, in the form of a kind of toned down version of "MOST EXTREME ELIMINATION CHALLENGE" or MXC for those of you in the know (a pretty crazy Japanese reality TV show). That was fun.

The brothers were going out to play poker, and I tagged along to try to get to know them better. They were really pleasant and nice and brought me on the U-Bahn and all that good stuff. We then went over to one of their friend's houses and we played Texas Hold'em for a couple hours. That was one LOONG game, and I felt lost perhaps 80% of the time since I couldn't understand most of the German.

It had an odd effect. On one hand, it almost made me want to give up on the language and perhaps focus my studies on the history of the country, since the language... is really just too tired. It also made me question why I had chosen a country in which I would understand very little during any important conversations, and why I had decided to disappear from Stanford just as things were looking up for me.

In the end, my ultimate evaluation was that tonight I wanted to get to bond some with my host family, and that I did, and I'm happy I did that. I have to take this Berlin business one step at a time--afterall, this is only day one and I shouldn't sweat about the little things.

People almost like pictures, so I thought I'd attach some pictures of my room. Unfortunately my camera makes my room seem a lot smaller than it is, but it's actually quite large. The only sad part is that I'm without a pillow since my bed is a futon.. but I'll find one somewhere soon.




Anyway, this is probably one of the more detailed posts I'll ever write.

I miss you all.

Finals Procrastination

My good friend Ragini suggested the URL for this blog, and now it exists in the middle of finals week.

Thank you Ragini, thank you procrastination.

That is all for now.

Charlton