A RAINY DAY

Heute regnet es. So all I did after class was go shopping at a place where I bought ridiculously cheap clothes. It was all sold by the kilogram, and because I went during Happy Hour, I only paid 9.99 euros per Kilo. I bought 1.5 kilos, which consisted of 4 shirts and like... snowboarding pants with suspenders. I am ridiculously, RIDICULOUSLY excited for Star Trek tomorrow. I plan on going to school in my "Uniform" and ... well, being pumped all day for it.

I also realized how much listening to music lightens up my mood. I should definitely listen to my iPod as I go around campus more often, especially if I'm walking.

Sweeeet.

Warum kann ich nicht schlafen?

I've been essentially done with work for an hour and a half but haven't been able to lug myself into bed. I don't know why, but for some reason... I don't know. I've just been thinking about a lot of unproductive thoughts. About what I've been spending my time at Stanford doing, and how I plan on spending the rest of it. I mean, it kind of sucks that at this point, I have to take a predetermined set of classes if I even want to think about finishing undergrad in 4 years; and it also sucks that after having two years gone by, I haven't really got myself involved in a sustainable activity that I've been super pumped about. It's as if my college time is slipping away from me, and not only is there nothing I can do about it, but I'm not even savoring the time during which it slips away--only am I inanely staring at it. I vid-chatted with a friend of mine from high school, who reminded me to "do what I love and f the rest," but if there's one thing I learned in college, it is that situations are always more complicated than they seem.

I miss being back on the farm (not in a I wish I weren't in Berlin way, but in a I miss traditional college way), and if I were in the real world right now and looked back at my college experience as if I had graduated, I would probably be disappointed in myself. Not because I didn't party enough or anything, but rather that I didn't use my time to learn something unique, useful, and universally applicable in both academia, personal relationships, and the most important of all, that I didn't figure out what makes me happy.

If anything, I've learned that I need to get regular amounts of sleep to function well, and that I worry a LOT, even though I know how much worrying does not help. I've learned that I'm going to be applying for things for the rest of my life, and a lot of times I won't necessary get what I want. To be honest, it's mostly a lot of spring quarter freshmen year irrational state of mind flooding my vulnerable psyche, but whatever it is, it sure isn't helping me sleep.

I guess it is not bad news that I am tired again!

Nachdem Amsterdam, Brüssel, und ein andere schöne Tag!

Amsterdam and Brussels were fantastic. The car rides there and back were a little long, but needless to say I had no trouble falling asleep in the car, as I usually do during long drives (... only when I'm in the back seat). We definitely walked through the Rotes-Licht Viertel (Red-Light District) and saw our fair share of our "Women of Negotiable Affections" and Coffee Houses and that kind of stuff. In Brussels I had enough Belgium Chocolate, saw the typical tourist sites, and fortunately RAN INTO THE COOLEST "SCARE CROW" MAKING CONTEST EVER. So on the Grand Market Place stood a bunch of numbered scare crows, each made by a different, and after looking at all of them (for free) you could pay 2 euros to vote for your favorite. The charity who made the scare crow which received the most votes got some decent sum of money, so the scare crows were of high quality! There were ginormous ones, one made out of only a bike, one with a billion international flags so tourists could stand in front and take pictures (good idea, we definitely took advantage of this one), one made of just a 2D piece of green board, one of only soda cans and was R2D2, and a whole bunch of other Belgian-Waffle themed ones. It was great timing for us to come. Belgium was pleasant, except for that it was a bit difficult to communicate with people!

and... well, shoot. Tonight was a great day. Ellen and I went to Prenzlauer Berg, this incredibly hip part of Berlin, and walked around. We stood in front of an Indian Restaurant for a little too long, so the guy came out and showed us the Menu. We said we had already ate, but were curious as to when the Happy Hour was. He said, "Für Sie... jetzt," or "For you... now." We went in, tasted some juice, and then left to explore the rest of the Prenz-Berg. I finally bought an awesome tiny Lonely Planet guide to Berlin, and to all of its hip places. I'm definitely excited to check some of these places off.

I ended up hanging out with the son of my uncle's friend in and around the middle of Berlin for the evening. He kept asking me what I wanted to do, so I pulled out the Lonely Planet book to see what was nearby--and lo and behold stood the Erotik Museum. We went in. It was surprising to see so much art devoted to the sexual positions, and it was even more surprising (for me anyway, since I know very little about the history of sex) to see that most of the pictures were from Japan or China. It probably has to do with the fact that neither of these countries are largely Christian and thus don't have a huge taboo on sex.

After our sexcursion, we went and had dinner with our families. We had a mix of German, Chinese, and Indonesian food in my uncle's friend's flat. Apparently Berlin apartments are all designed identically--my uncle's apartment and his friend's have the exact same room set-up, even though they live in different complexes. This guy lives on the top floor of his complex (5th story), a building with only stairs, and has a family of only doctors. It was a familiar, all Indonesian setting with Indonesian and Deutsch been thrown around. It's sad to think that I can barely speak Indonesian at all, and can only understand it. I can speak Chinese and German better than Indonesian, but can understand Indonesian better than I can speak Chinese or German.

Bis nächste mal..

This Weekend?!

The plan is AMSTERDAM. I am prepared to meet many an Indonesian small restaurant owner, and do other things. But.... this just happened today. I'm a little scared.

Royal Family Target of Car Attack in Netherlands

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/01/world/europe/01dutch.html?_r=1&ref=world

Things have been great.. yes. Yesssss.

Budapest and an AWESOME Wochenende

Thanks to a generous Stanford and BOSP Stanford in Germany Alum by the name of George Will, our program had a funded trip to Budapest, Hungary, during which we met with a pretty amazing professor, economist, and diplomat. I learned a lot about Hungary's history and it's place (or lack thereof?) in the European Union. I learned about why it still doesn't use the Euro (or isn't allowed to..) and popular mindsets of the Hungarian people, specifically the lack of confidence in government, the inability to grasp a stable political system, and the lasting effects of socialist and fascist rule on the people. It was a WHOLE LOT to absorb, but also pretty damn fascinating (during the parts I managed to stay awake during. We had to get up at 7AM every day, culminating with a 5AM breakfast the morning of our 7:30AM flight. Fun, I know). I took a dip in the Turkish baths, managed to sight see quite a bit, and went into this neat little place called the "Old Man's Pub" and tasted some interesting Hungarian beverages. Overall, a great trip; but at the end, I really just wanted to be back in Berlin: where the transportation is easy, the food is cheap, and the possibilities are endless.

We got back to Berlin early Saturday morning. After a tiny bit of work, and a WHOLE LOT of nap, I went out with Ellen to a place our handy dandy KKLQGTB (Kalani Kai Leifer's Quick Guide to Berlin) recommended by Schlesischer(s?) Tor. But the most fascinating part was Die Lange Nacht der Opern und Theatre: A 6 hour festival in which every Opera and Theatre and everything in between was open in the city, and every venue had it's own schedule for the evening with thirty minute intervals. We rushed from Opera to Theatre to Cabarett just to see a variety of different theatres and shows. It was absolutely ridiculous, how much culture I could just soak up and absorb in one night, merely by walking around and hopping on and off trains. That was a FANTASTIC evening.

Today I woke up for a morning Sunday brunch buffet. So damn tasty. Afterwards my friend Jiahui and I ran into a "International Children's Festival" where I managed to get a couple free things and admire lots of children running around, being happy, riding ponies, choo-choo trains, jumping in bounce houses, and other mindless fun. God those were the days. Now all I think about is how to become less and less ignorant.

Things are great. I love Berlin. I had a great conversation with my host brother tonight about his girlfriend and things are coming together. Hopefully I will meet my language partner for the first time tomorrow (I know, it's week 5 and I haven't met with one yet...).

So funny story:

I stored Ellen Cerf's Sprachpartner's number as my Sprachparterin's number. I was in contact with my Sprachpartner via email, but whenever I texted her I got a response as if she wasn't too keen on hanging out with me. I was confused by mixed responses. When I finally called the number, a very deep male voice picked up... and I had realized what I had done. For the past 4 days I had been texting the wrong person, asking someone who wasn't too excited to hang out with me... to, well, hang out with me. What an epic fail. But I'm finally meeting with her tomorrow, I hope, and things should work out!

I'm gonna go to bed so I can go on another run tomorrow morning. Today at breakfast we were discussing the reality of stretching stomachs, increasing hunger tolerance, and ways to prevent the stomach from stretching inelastically to the point where I will be perpetually hungry (and thus, perpetually obese). That would be the worst. And that is why I am frantically scrambling to get back into shape! Und... das ist alles!

ein schöne Tag

On the eve of my 2nd humongous German test, I have decided to take the higher route, not study for German, and instead write in this internet pensieve of mine.

This past weekend was FANTASTIC. I had a shit ton of fun partying and going to random places. But I talked about that already.

Today was a low-key but overall fantastic day. I got up at 8, did reading and homeworks until class, went to class, bought tickets for my upcoming trip to Madrid at the end of May, bought seats to the finals of the World Championships of Track and Field on Sunday, and then went home to study some more. But the highlight of the time was cooking for my host family, and putting together a humble meal of sushi. Granted, the fish was frozen and not fresh, and the rice I made definitely had a little TOO MUCH water and thus was nearly impossible to spread over the seaweed correctly; but overall the food both looked and tasted great.

It's this reason that I'm glad I'm living with this amazing family. The weather today was also ridiculously beautiful. It's great being able to walk out of the U-Bahn Station to see the healthy branches and fresh green leaves against a bright blue sky. It also makes me happy that I have good vision, because I noticed that when I'm not wearing corrective lenses, colors just... well, aren't as AWEsome.

I had a lunch yesterday with Jiahui, and we talked a little bit about how we both were doing. I admitted that I was having difficulty adjusting at first, mainly because I missed Stanford so much, but since then I have realized that I am living in arguably the most vibrant, accepting, lively city in the world and I have to live it up. After that discussion, we went to the nearest Backerei and bought a Rumkugel (a chocolate spherical pastry filled with.. chocolate rum. It was actually PRETTY NASTY, but we tried it and learned. Good times).

Also, Phi Psi has decided its bids and I guess they've determined our residents for next year! I don't really know any of them, but I hope everything works out for the best and they will be friendly to their KM....!

Bis bald!

Was für eine Woche!

What a week!

Last Sunday night I got back from my mini bike tour of Southern Germany. 110km total, two small towns, and a lot of beautiful scenery. It was definitely a trip I wouldn't be able to do when I'm old and frail, so in that regard I am happy I did it. I ate a lot of tasty Southern German food and bonded with Becca. We started in Würzburg, where there is this AMAZING Palace/Castle thing and another ridiculously cool Fortress. Only during this trip did I truly realize the greatness and ridiculous level which the Germans have achieved in their incredibly long history. It's times like this when I wish that I had paid attention in European history.

One of the highlights of the trip was actually on my way back: we used mitfahrgelegenheit, this carpool matching service similar to Stanford's ZimRide. We paid 25 euros per person to be taken back to Berlin from Würzburg by some random couple, but... one of the couple ended up being a Chinese major and was finishing up her thesis. Her Chinese was PHENOMENAL and we talked in Chinese, English, and a little bit of German. It's little times like these that make me happy that I decided to take so many damn language units--however, it's also tough because... well, I also had a lot of free time on the trip. I read Randy Pausch's THE LAST LECTURE and found some good life lessons, perfect timing for me in this recurring life crisis I have.

I just need to do what I love, spend time with who I love most, and not worry. But... as Ben Harper said it well, it's so hard to do but so easy to say.

This week has been UBER ART week. I went to the Opera and watched Macbeth on Tuesday. On Tuesday I went to this place called the "Weinerei," where you pay 1 euro to drink as much wine as you want... and at the end of the night, you pay how much you think it was worth. Pretty cool concept, an awesome venue, and a sweet crowd. Unfortunately, I didn't really jive with any of the language partners I met there... so currently I'm still looking for a Sprachpartner.

On Wednesday I went to the Staatsoper (National Opera) for Macbeth, on Thursday I went to see Frühlings Erwachen (Spring Awakening) about the repression of sexual education by parents... and how shitty that is, and yesterday I went to Sachsenhausen, a concentration camp where... well, everything was super intense. Last night, I hung out with one of my Loyola friends who goes to Brown but is currently studying in Berlin until the end of July. Needless to say I had a LOT OF FUN hanging out with these people. I think we got along pretty well, and I was just... very comfortable with them, moreso than most (but not all) of the Stanford students here. We went to some international party where I met a bunch of students studying at the FU, and we talked about the view of America by certain types of European, and all of that. I met this one girl from Scottland who talked to me about Americans finally trying to reach out and understand the world instead of being so ... America-centric, and another girl from Poland who could speak superb English and was studying Political Science.

My classes are going well. German is pretty intense, but in a good way. I'm learning a lot of grammar and vocab, and my class is friendly. I spend a decent amount of time learning it.. since, well, while I'm here, I might as well try my best. The environmental class is very chill. We still haven't gotten our books to do our reading, so it's been mostly just talking about the environmental stuff in general. I've been learning about how the EU works, in terms of Chancellors and who actually does what... though I've got to admit, I'm still pretty lost.

Speaking of being lost, I had this huge crisis this week when I realized that I DON'T REALLY KNOW ANYTHING. I mean, that's what school and learning is all for, but honestly I realize that I am way more ignorant about a lot more than I would like. About the EU, German History, German language, politics, anything interesting (for me) to talk about. I really just want to spend like, an entire day inside... just reading and enlightening myself on things that are happening so I can be more interesting in conversations and... well, less ignorant. I realized that that is the last thing I want to be when I grow up. That and not being able to socialize.

For whatever reason, it's been really tough for me to socialize here. I'm not in my "element" and I wish things were just more comfortable. I am trying my best, and I think last night hanging out with my high school friend and his friends was a ton of fun and not too awkward at all, but aside from that time, I haven't been found myself being super excited, happy, with a group of people here yet.

I hope I find security and confidence and more good times sometime soon. Probably starting tonight at the Berlin Philharmonic..!

Much love,
Charlton