German, Environmental Paper, Reimbursements, transition, and fitting in the last tidbits of culture into this fantastic adventure.

Tomorrow night, the plan is to ride the Ring Bahn around, with iPods, silent dance parties, and some German beverages. It will be the night before our final German exam, which I'm not TOO worried about.

Today I stayed up and did my first whole day of work. I read a lot, wrote a lot, and honestly it was pretty nice. I felt good... being with myself, hanging out, doing what I wanted to do, reading what I wanted to read. It was fantastic. To think that last year around this time, I could barely stand being alone...

It's raining cats and dogs outside, quite loudly, and I hope that subsides by tomorrow. I plan on getting up in 7 hours or so to head to the Reichstag, the historic Parliament building, in which I can just wander around and go up to the glass dome up top. The glass dome symbolizes the transparency with which the German government wants to have, and this idea of transparency manifests itself in all the architecture in the so-called "governmental quarters," which includes buildings where the Chancellor works, where members of Congress work, etc.

----

So I just woke up, and it appears that I stopped this post halfway... through. That's probably why it ends abruptly.

Warum--warum nicht?

It's early Sunday morning, after an otherwise fantastic day. After an amazing Birthday for the Republic of Germany, I had a fantastic dinner and an amazing night with some friends.

At this point of the quarter, I'm not sure how to feel. Incredibly happy, accomplished, relaxed, regretful, depressed: These are all of the feelings I've felt over the past two days, all of which I have tried to attempt to reconcile with my life plan. Unfortunately, I have yet to find one--except I do know that some way, somehow, I want to be happy. Viel Glück, as I would tell myself....

After some cards and some tasty dinner, tonight was relaxing. Some of my friends and I are going to the Spreewald tomorrow to go kayaking, which should be a ton of fun.

But even with that in mind, it's been an hour since I've been home and haven't even been close to finding a way to sleep. After making several bad decisions tonight, involving seeing how some of my friends were doing, I learned that perhaps that the decisions I have made over the past year and a half have in fact NOT maximized my happiness. That in fact, they have created unnecessary anxiety, needless angst, and unfortunate amounts of insecurity which is altogether just not very healthy, either for a student or anyone else.

I don't know what to feel or think. I do know that I wish that somehow, I could escape my negative cognitive schema during times like these to convince myself, like I do most of the time, that things are spectacular and all will be well.

As someone said very well on the episode of "This American Life" which I was listening to while I was on the U-Bahn today: Shit.

HERZLICHEN GLÜCKWUNSCH ZUM GEBURTSTAG, BUNDESREPUBLIK DEUTSCHLAND

So... today is the birthday for the Federal Republic of Germany. Isn't that fantastic? Supposedly there's going to be a huge party extending down Unter den Linden, arguably the widest street in Berlin that passes through the Brandenburg Tor (Gate). I'm excited. I know the title of the post was misleading, but.. yes, I am pretty excited.

This place is fantastic. I love Berlin. Today, after going to a museum in which objects from the 1200s to the present were held and seeing more arm bones of Saints that I would've like to see in a lifetime, I had some quiche, ice cream, listened to some of "This American Life" (my new favorite podcast, now that I have time to kill while waiting for trains on the U-Bahn or S-Bahn), took a nap, and then watched the German Ballet "Schneewitchen," or "Snow White." It was absolutely fantastic. My favorite ballet for sure. The dancing was great, interesting set, fantastic costumes, and really... intense. It wasn't 'til recently that I remembered that the witch is actually given shoes which force her to dance herself to death....

Afterwards, we headed back toward a friend's house for some fun German Brettspielen (board games). We played Monopoly, IN GERMAN, with German street names... and man that was fantastic. I got the rush of all rolling dice, landing on property, playing with money, and negotiating properties--all of which I've learned from family board game nights, during which we spent probably at least a hundred hours playing Monopoly, dealing, rolling, and one game lasted a week. My sister and I would run into my parents bedroom at 9AM, wake them up, and force them to roll while they were half asleep. I would shove the dice into my dad's relaxed hand, let them fall out, and call that his "roll." Those were the days....

Anyway, I can't believe I'm only here for... less than three weeks. Time flies. Tempus fugit. Zeit fliegt.

Bis nächste mal,
Charton

Schon Woche Sieben?

Already Week Seven!? I can't believe how quickly my Berlin time is flying away. Tempus fugit. Zeit fliegen. Stimmt.

I'm at the center now, just waiting around for my two friends to get out of their language class so we can buy clothes for our "Special Dinner" on a boat in Berlin this Thursday. It is a holiday, so we have no classes, and instead we have planned a trip with dinner on a boat around the rivers in Berlin. It should be fantastic.

I'm a little bit sad that my German is still just OK after this long, but it's not surprising since I am not meeting as many Germans as I would like. Little over a week ago, my friend Ellen and I gave our former RA a surprise call, and he told us that he met lots of Germans via his German girlfriend whom he met in Germany. What a great idea.

My Sprachpartnerin unfortunately broke her leg, and it's, well, tough to get her to come out. I'd feel guilty, and otherwise we can just cook. Which is fine, but I really need to go out and see more of the city.

Recently I've been really getting excited for a) spending the last amazing couple weeks here, b) going home for a little bit, and c) seeing my Stanford friends for a day or so when I come visit during June. It's a healthy progression of things to look forward to.

This past weekend I went to London with two fellow Kairos-ites, and we ate a lot of delicious Indian food, saw the typical touristy things, and listened to some intense conversations around Speakers Corner in Hyde Park. People have some crazy ideas. I listened to some guy who believed that AIDS was concocted by "white people" to kill of "black people," citing how such a widespread virus could only be having devastating effects in Africa. Really? We lingered around, listening to religious fanatics discuss the credibility of their respective Holy books, and the dysfunctional political system of Africa and how that compares with the EU and the US.

I learned once again how little I know about everything, and realized how much of the day I spend not informing myself via readings and other things. I also learned that in order to fix all of these problems, I probably should learn something technical. I think I'm going to take 19/20 units in the fall to finally decide what I want to do with my life, and then narrow down my field of study. Hopefully among ME203, ECON50, and CS106X, I'll be able to determine what I want to do with my life. Aim high?

My good friend Patrick told me once, "Shoot for the stars. Even if you miss, you will land on the moon." I once thought that was a funny statement. Aim high, and even if you miss you'll land a slightly lower platform, given that platform exists and given that landing on the lower platform is desirable. I don't know. Come to think of it, he used to be one of the few people who used to read the blog that I wrote in my middle-age, pubescent youth. I guess what I'm trying to say is, perhaps the statement should be aiming anywhere at all will lead you somewhere, whether you expected or not.

These posts always degenerate from summary, to a brief lesson I learned, to random things that Charlton worries about.

A RAINY DAY

Heute regnet es. So all I did after class was go shopping at a place where I bought ridiculously cheap clothes. It was all sold by the kilogram, and because I went during Happy Hour, I only paid 9.99 euros per Kilo. I bought 1.5 kilos, which consisted of 4 shirts and like... snowboarding pants with suspenders. I am ridiculously, RIDICULOUSLY excited for Star Trek tomorrow. I plan on going to school in my "Uniform" and ... well, being pumped all day for it.

I also realized how much listening to music lightens up my mood. I should definitely listen to my iPod as I go around campus more often, especially if I'm walking.

Sweeeet.

Warum kann ich nicht schlafen?

I've been essentially done with work for an hour and a half but haven't been able to lug myself into bed. I don't know why, but for some reason... I don't know. I've just been thinking about a lot of unproductive thoughts. About what I've been spending my time at Stanford doing, and how I plan on spending the rest of it. I mean, it kind of sucks that at this point, I have to take a predetermined set of classes if I even want to think about finishing undergrad in 4 years; and it also sucks that after having two years gone by, I haven't really got myself involved in a sustainable activity that I've been super pumped about. It's as if my college time is slipping away from me, and not only is there nothing I can do about it, but I'm not even savoring the time during which it slips away--only am I inanely staring at it. I vid-chatted with a friend of mine from high school, who reminded me to "do what I love and f the rest," but if there's one thing I learned in college, it is that situations are always more complicated than they seem.

I miss being back on the farm (not in a I wish I weren't in Berlin way, but in a I miss traditional college way), and if I were in the real world right now and looked back at my college experience as if I had graduated, I would probably be disappointed in myself. Not because I didn't party enough or anything, but rather that I didn't use my time to learn something unique, useful, and universally applicable in both academia, personal relationships, and the most important of all, that I didn't figure out what makes me happy.

If anything, I've learned that I need to get regular amounts of sleep to function well, and that I worry a LOT, even though I know how much worrying does not help. I've learned that I'm going to be applying for things for the rest of my life, and a lot of times I won't necessary get what I want. To be honest, it's mostly a lot of spring quarter freshmen year irrational state of mind flooding my vulnerable psyche, but whatever it is, it sure isn't helping me sleep.

I guess it is not bad news that I am tired again!

Nachdem Amsterdam, Brüssel, und ein andere schöne Tag!

Amsterdam and Brussels were fantastic. The car rides there and back were a little long, but needless to say I had no trouble falling asleep in the car, as I usually do during long drives (... only when I'm in the back seat). We definitely walked through the Rotes-Licht Viertel (Red-Light District) and saw our fair share of our "Women of Negotiable Affections" and Coffee Houses and that kind of stuff. In Brussels I had enough Belgium Chocolate, saw the typical tourist sites, and fortunately RAN INTO THE COOLEST "SCARE CROW" MAKING CONTEST EVER. So on the Grand Market Place stood a bunch of numbered scare crows, each made by a different, and after looking at all of them (for free) you could pay 2 euros to vote for your favorite. The charity who made the scare crow which received the most votes got some decent sum of money, so the scare crows were of high quality! There were ginormous ones, one made out of only a bike, one with a billion international flags so tourists could stand in front and take pictures (good idea, we definitely took advantage of this one), one made of just a 2D piece of green board, one of only soda cans and was R2D2, and a whole bunch of other Belgian-Waffle themed ones. It was great timing for us to come. Belgium was pleasant, except for that it was a bit difficult to communicate with people!

and... well, shoot. Tonight was a great day. Ellen and I went to Prenzlauer Berg, this incredibly hip part of Berlin, and walked around. We stood in front of an Indian Restaurant for a little too long, so the guy came out and showed us the Menu. We said we had already ate, but were curious as to when the Happy Hour was. He said, "Für Sie... jetzt," or "For you... now." We went in, tasted some juice, and then left to explore the rest of the Prenz-Berg. I finally bought an awesome tiny Lonely Planet guide to Berlin, and to all of its hip places. I'm definitely excited to check some of these places off.

I ended up hanging out with the son of my uncle's friend in and around the middle of Berlin for the evening. He kept asking me what I wanted to do, so I pulled out the Lonely Planet book to see what was nearby--and lo and behold stood the Erotik Museum. We went in. It was surprising to see so much art devoted to the sexual positions, and it was even more surprising (for me anyway, since I know very little about the history of sex) to see that most of the pictures were from Japan or China. It probably has to do with the fact that neither of these countries are largely Christian and thus don't have a huge taboo on sex.

After our sexcursion, we went and had dinner with our families. We had a mix of German, Chinese, and Indonesian food in my uncle's friend's flat. Apparently Berlin apartments are all designed identically--my uncle's apartment and his friend's have the exact same room set-up, even though they live in different complexes. This guy lives on the top floor of his complex (5th story), a building with only stairs, and has a family of only doctors. It was a familiar, all Indonesian setting with Indonesian and Deutsch been thrown around. It's sad to think that I can barely speak Indonesian at all, and can only understand it. I can speak Chinese and German better than Indonesian, but can understand Indonesian better than I can speak Chinese or German.

Bis nächste mal..